Social Suicide Girl

After searching from late 2006 I finally have a steady job. It is technically a temp assignment but there is no official end date and the company says they want me there for a good while. There was another girl Shirin who was doing part-time along with me but her other job offered her more hours so she quit Friday afternoon. We were both doing around 4 hours a day but now that she has left I am almost certain that my hours will increase to 5-6 a day.

It may seem selfish but as much as I got along with Shirin I am a little glad that she has left. I did more of the work than she did, I get to work before she did and I'd often leave after she did. Plus with the certainty that my hours will increase I will have more money to save for some things I want over the next couple years and I will be able to pay back the $8000 or so that I owe the parents combined.

I still haven't made up mind about what I have said on twitter that I am considering doing on 20th August 2011. Some days are good and others aren't I live so close to so many people and yet I am isolated, not just by me but they have isolated me too. I constantly feel as though I am not important and that I do not matter to people. And the one person I did start to trust ended up treating me like shit. His actions towards me and other people have landed him in a psychiatric ward as an in patient and I don't know how long he'll be there for. What he did shattered the little trust I was beginning to develop with people. His stalking, his manipulation of my emotions and the emotions of others and his lies ruined that.

Why Don't You Get A Job?

Last week I finally started a new job. It is working for a lawyer based in Little Lonsdale Street right in the city. The job is a receptionist position mixed with clerical adminstrative duties for a lawyer that mostly helps Chinese immigrants with legal issues they may have with Australian laws. I mostly answer calls and put them through to the other lawyers, stamp and collate documents for notaries and apostilles, go to the bank and post box and do lots and lots of scanning and printing.

The job is actually rather easy to do because there isn't much involved. Some days are busy and some days are not and I am only working part time in the afternoons. My hours are from 2-6pm but I don't necessarily work those exact hours. My finishing time always varies depending on who is working at the time. The general finish time tends to be 5.45pm but sometimes I'll finish a little after 6pm and other times I'll finish around 5.30pm.

I have to admit though that it is good to be working again after just over a year of not having a job even if the hours are only part time. I just wish the hours were longer because the money still isn't really enough to live off but at least it's better than Centrelink money. I am still trying to find other part-time work to do either on the weekends or on weekday mornings as long as on the weekday mornings its a job based in the city. For the city work I am trying to find work that will have me working between the hours of 8-1pm.

The other good things about this job is that it's going to build my reception experience up again which is good because its the industry I want to work in and because its working with a lawyer hopefully for future job prospects working with a lawyer will make my resume really stand out to prospective employers.

Thunderclap

I thought it was time to start writing this blog again. I just think I need an outlet for myself, especially since I am an intensively private person who doesn't let people in.

I think it also because yesterday I was feeling a bit down because it was the second anniversary of Nanny's death and for some reason I was really feeling it.

I've being feeling really dejected lately and feeling even more and more that people don't care one iota for me. It gets worse because then I close myself off even more to people. I haven't crashed yet though, but I did a few times in January. That was a really bad time. I'd caught up with some old friends and I couldn't help but feel I guess betrayed by them all. They had ways of contacting me and they never did. For years it felt like I had no friends and to be honest it still feels that way. I was weak enough to cry myself asleep a few times that month, which is something I don't usually tend to do because in a strange way I hate having people pity me.

Getting back to the recent feelings of dejection. I think most of it is because of lack of work. I have worked my arse off applying for jobs but to no avail. I had one job trial in August last year which I failed miserably at. It was calling up people to try and sign them up for the Goverment's installation of insulation. I remember that we had to make 2 sales in the 3 hour trial period we had or we were out the door. Out of the 15 or so people at that trial only 1 made the sales. Everyone else was shown the door. Then a few weeks ago I was given an assignment to work for the AAMI call centre. I had a day of training then on the second day I went in and was sent home after an hour or so because I'd come down with the flu and was too sick to work. Later that afternoon the agency that sent me through said that AAMI didn't want me because I was too sick to work. I had a high fever for three days and even though I am now over the flu I still have the cough and that's 3 weeks later.

I will say one thing though the agency didn't judge me at all which I know some agencies would. When I spoke to my representative on the phone he said I sounded terrible and he knew that I was genuinely sick. I guess all I can do it just keep at the job hunting and get on the agency's back to find me some more temp work.

Come Together

I haven't posted for a couple weeks because there has been so much going on that I needed to wait for things to settle into place.

As with my previous post with the podcasts I am now a transcriber for Hogwarts Radio. Its pretty simple work and only takes up a couple hours a week.

I've also started a temporary position with a company called OfficeMax. Its basically working on phones and helping customers. May sound simple yes but there is actually a lot involved in the job. There's the customer service, the data entry, looking up products and their codes, helping with customer enquiries. Oh and lets not forget returns, credits, resupplies, price quotes. It goes on and on. Us ten temps only got one week of training before been through into the deep end. The permanent staff got three weeks of the same training. I will say that it definitely makes you learn quickly.

Last Tuesday week we made the hard decision to have Boris put to sleep. I know he wasn't in the best of health but I thought we may get another six months or so to spend with him. Still it was for the best that we let him go.

I don't understand the whole eunthenasia debate. We have no problems with kindest to our animals in taking them to be put to sleep when they are suffering but we don't do it for our fellow humans.

Zoe our other dog has definitely been suffering since we lost Boris and has been spending a lot of nights sleeping in my room. I have to admit I find it- pleasant that she looks to me whenever she's displaying emotions whether they be happy, sorrow or playful.

We made the decision that we would get a puppy, not only for our benefit but Zoe's as well. On Monday afternoon we went to a breeder and fell in love with a male German Short-haired pointer. Naturally because we were so taken with him that we decided we had to have him. This morning we got to pick him up from the breeder. He's very playful when awake and keeps chasing Zoe, and playing with balls and play biting everyone. He's also fallen asleep in my lap three times today. I'll be sitting on the floor and he'll come up to me and crawl in my lap, snuggle up and fall fast asleep. We are all very taken with this adorable man and know we will get years of brilliance from him.

Wizards Rock!

So HPANA made this big fuss about an upcoming event that happened at 1.30pm our time. Decided to check it because I was really curious. I haven't had this much fun online in ages. They've decided to merge with SPEW and Potter Radio to do Podcasts. Most of the time we weren't even talking about but just really enjoying everyone been online for the event. And I got singled out because of my username and that was by the creater himself Cheeser aka Jeff. Naturally we had to start fangirling him. You could tell it was embarassing him but that he enjoyed it as well. Plus I got a hug from him as well. JK Rowling was on there as well. A lot of us signed in with our hpana usernames including myself hence the reason I got singled out, but she didn't sign up and was invisible. Still we knew she was there because Cheeser confirmed it and said she was following the converstation. I know is sounds weird but it was a little thrilling to know she was following the conversation and may have enjoyed just how nuts we really are.

Yes I know I haven't posted for a while but I have been busy doing other things. We had Christmas of course. I got jewellery, books, an itunes card, a giant plush tiger, a jigsaw mat, a calender and some dvds.

I am thinking that with one of the books I got as well as the dvds that my family thinks I have a rather morbid curiosity. One of the books is called Cannibal Killers and goes into the pyshological backgrounds of reknown canninbalistic murderers and the other is Happy Tree Friends. A violent cartoon series that makes South Park seem tame.

I have also started giving my room a big clean up. I have gotten rid of some books that I don't want anymore both because I have grown out of them and because I had no intention of reading them in the first place.

My room basically looks like a distaster zone right now and I have twisted my ankle a couple times trying to navigate through the mess. My knee has been giving me the shits more though. The other night I was tempted to put some ice on it in the hope that it would help relieve the ache. My knee has been doing the weird wobble thing that basically makes it look like I have jelly instead of a kneecap with bone and cartledge.

I figure the room is going to take at least another three days to complete. After that I intend on doing a lot of reading again. I am thinking of starting at the beginning of the bookshelf and that of course means Harry Potter. I haven't read the series since Deathly Hallows came out and I am starting to miss it. After that of course is the next best series in the world, the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Still getting rid of books means that my bookshelf is looking more empty than usual but that will be fixed over time. I just need Breaking Dawn from the Twilight series and of course I only have Eragon from that series. I have mixed feelings on Twilight. I like it on the whole but the main character Bella Swan pisses me off to no extent. She's a whiny little brat who treats those around her with utter contempt at times. I don't care how brilliant Edward Cullen is and how much she may have OCD aka Obessive Cullen Disorder she's still a fuckwit in my opinion.

I guess the other news is that my friend is now an official bioligical aunt. I say official bioligical because she has family friends with children who call her aunt and some of her foster sister's brothers and sisters children call her aunt as well. Though I don't blame them for that.

You Can't Always Get What You Want.

Well today was quite busy for me. I had a job interview and I've been in and out of the house all day. The morning was quite relaxing. A shower and then listening to music and talking to a Colt online while getting ready for my interview. My interview was for 11.45 and we left the house at 11. We travelled along Eastlink and it only took 20 minutes to get to the place of the recruiting agency in Ringwood. So had a can of coke while waiting for a more appropriate time to walk into the office building. I went in about 10 minutes before my interview just incase I had to sign any registration forms. Then myself, the receptionist and another candidate (for a different position) talking amongst ourselves for a few minutes. I didn't get interviewed until after 12 because the interviewer had a call that he had to take. Once I had my interview it went for about 20 minutes and quite a relaxed interview. I find out if I get a second interview on Monday, the position is only part-time but the hours are consistent and at least it would be a job.

We also went to Cranbourne and Southland's Harris Scarfe which to me is completely pointless. I hate Harris Scarfe with a passion. They are up there as with the very worst stores. They NEVER have what they've advertised and each time that you demand to know why they always come up with the same bullshit excuses and of course this time they lived right up to their reputations.

Oh and last night we bought a copy of The Dark Knight. Everything people said about Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker is true. I just wish I'd seen it in the cinema but I couldn't afford it. Then again I only really go to see movies that I really want to see. I have two movies on the list for next year. Half-Blood Prince and Dorian Gray. I should really read The Picture of Dorian Gray, it has always been a book that has sparked my interest. I make no apologies for been a bookworm. We watched The Dark Knight in our theatre room. Well Lindsay and I mostly. Mum saw a fair bit of it but kept coming and going. One part we viewed 3 times because she kept missing it. Still we were completely set with our fresh popcorn, Linds cans of black citrus smirnoff and the reclining seats reclined all the way.

I finished reading Only The Heart again today, for a book that I had to read for year 12 English I really do enjoy it. I know the title would turn alot of people off but it is anything but a romance novel. Besides people know I don't read that sort of shit! So I have started to read Tales of Beedle the Bard. I am on the first tale and I will finish that when I go to bed in a few minutes. I read the Introduction beforehand and so far I am enjoying it. I have the feeling that this time tomorrow I will be reading Awake In Fright.