Thunderclap

I thought it was time to start writing this blog again. I just think I need an outlet for myself, especially since I am an intensively private person who doesn't let people in.

I think it also because yesterday I was feeling a bit down because it was the second anniversary of Nanny's death and for some reason I was really feeling it.

I've being feeling really dejected lately and feeling even more and more that people don't care one iota for me. It gets worse because then I close myself off even more to people. I haven't crashed yet though, but I did a few times in January. That was a really bad time. I'd caught up with some old friends and I couldn't help but feel I guess betrayed by them all. They had ways of contacting me and they never did. For years it felt like I had no friends and to be honest it still feels that way. I was weak enough to cry myself asleep a few times that month, which is something I don't usually tend to do because in a strange way I hate having people pity me.

Getting back to the recent feelings of dejection. I think most of it is because of lack of work. I have worked my arse off applying for jobs but to no avail. I had one job trial in August last year which I failed miserably at. It was calling up people to try and sign them up for the Goverment's installation of insulation. I remember that we had to make 2 sales in the 3 hour trial period we had or we were out the door. Out of the 15 or so people at that trial only 1 made the sales. Everyone else was shown the door. Then a few weeks ago I was given an assignment to work for the AAMI call centre. I had a day of training then on the second day I went in and was sent home after an hour or so because I'd come down with the flu and was too sick to work. Later that afternoon the agency that sent me through said that AAMI didn't want me because I was too sick to work. I had a high fever for three days and even though I am now over the flu I still have the cough and that's 3 weeks later.

I will say one thing though the agency didn't judge me at all which I know some agencies would. When I spoke to my representative on the phone he said I sounded terrible and he knew that I was genuinely sick. I guess all I can do it just keep at the job hunting and get on the agency's back to find me some more temp work.